Friday, October 3, 2014

I Choose to be Alone

Been giving this a lot of thought lately. What could a man accomplish in a year if he focused on himself?
Imagine If I shed the distractions and requirements of being in any kind of romantic relationship, choosing instead to focus on three specific areas: Health and physique; Financial prosperity; Literary Supremacy.
For just one year. I think, if I could manage to do that, and apply myself completely, I would emerge at the other end like a king.
That one year of investing, and the foundation it lays, would pay dividends for the rest of my life.
It's a scary thing for me to decide to be alone.
I was married at 25, + that lasted eight years. Since then I've been in one relationship that lasted a year, and an engagement that lasted over five. Okay, there were a couple other things in between also, but that is not the point...The point is, I've never spent a significant period of time working on me. Doing things for me. Investing in me.
My ex-wife told me today that she got hired to shoot someone's 40th Surprise Birthday costume party celebration. Someone loves that guy enough, whoever he is, to plan all that out and make it come true.
I turn 40 in ten days.
There will be no surprise Birthday costume party celebration.
In some ways I feel guilty for not having my life together enough to warrant that. I worry that I should be settled down and not still have so many questions about my future.
It just feels like this is the perfect opportunity for me to step away from the relationship circus and reboot the entire situation. Sure, I could run out and find the first person who would have me and sigh a breath of relief that I won't be spending the rest of my life alone. Or I can be brave, throw myself on the forge, and see what kind of new thing I can become.
If you keep repeating the same steps, you keep getting the same results. I want something new. Something amazing. Something shockingly good. I fully believe that will take hard work and serious effort, but like anything else, you get what you put into it.
I'm going to put my everything into it and see what comes out next October. 

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